A family is a complicated thing. It seems that there are always chores to do, appointments to meet, and challenges to overcome. Without a clear way to manage a family, the individual members can easily become divided and try to make it on their own. The family may be left without clear values or goals, like a group of adult and child roommates instead of a loving team. There are many ways to help organize and unite a family, but one of the most effective that I have found is the family council.
In my family oriented church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) they teach many skills and principles to help strengthen and guide families. One of the suggestions we have been given is to hold “family councils”. You can think of these councils as a meeting between some or all family members to have time set aside to check in with each other, organize themselves, address concerns and feelings, and make decisions. These councils can really help a family to grow closer together.
There are a few kinds of these councils that I have experienced as I was growing up, or now as an adult, that helped me to feel that I was being heard and helped my family work together as a team. The first kind of family council is with the whole family. These councils are important to hold regularly so that as parents we can try and resolve family issues together and make decisions that will affect the whole family together. The second kind of council is the parents and one child. If you have only one child then this will be the same as the first kind of council. A parent-child council can be useful in addressing concerns about behavior and allowing for privacy from siblings. The third kind of council is a couple council. Reserving private time for you and your spouse to connect emotionally, address issues, and discuss parenting is essential. This will help you support one another in your efforts to raise productive and happy little humans, and will also help keep your marriage healthy.
Every family is different, so there are almost an infinite number of ways you can run family councils, but I have a few suggestions that you might find helpful.
- Have a set schedule for family councils i.e. whole family council once a week, couple council every Tuesday, parent child council once a month.
- Do not let the councils turn into family arguments, if you feel tempers rising take a break.
- Have a general agenda, but allow deviation if someone has a need that you can address.
- Seriously consider the input of every family member.
- No discounting someone’s feelings.
- Start with and expression of love and appreciation for each member.
- End with a snack/treat.
- Focus on feelings, problems, and decision, not on blaming or scolding someone.
- If you agree to something during the council stick to the agreement.
I hope that the idea of family councils and that some of the tips I have given will be helpful to you and your family. Remember, these councils do not have to be perfect to help you grow closer as a family, it’s just about consistency
Craysy Life 