What causes the failure of most marriages? There are a few answers, like arguments about money, infidelity, lack of commitment, and dishonesty. All of these to me seem to point to a core problem, selfishness. Selfishness really is the cardinal sin of marriage. When selfishness comes into our marriages we cease to focus on how to make “us” work, and instead focus on what we want and need. We begin to criticize the other person when we feel they aren’t doing enough for us, we are unfaithful because we think our needs aren’t getting met, and we lie to protect our own interests. We can easily become blind to how we are affecting our partners and our family with our actions.
But what does selfishness get us? After all selfishness is about what we want to get out of something. In the short term, selfishness can give us satisfaction or make our partner behave the way we want them to, but in the long term it actually leaves us with less than we had before. Let’s take criticism for example. We badger and demean our partner to get them to serve us, and it may work a few times, but soon our spouse becomes resentful. They may withdraw from us, refuse to help us, or only do exactly what we ask them to just to get us off their back. Your spouse ends up actually being less willing to serve you. Each selfish behavior will eventually lead to a less satisfactory marriage.
The opposite of selfishness is selflessness. Sometimes people are uneasy of the idea of putting your partner first, because they feel it will allow them to get taken advantage of, or they have been taught that you should always be your number one priority. While putting the other person first may not be the best thing to do at the beginning of a relationship, by the time you have committed to marriage it is the only way to have a truly successful and satisfying one. The small and big acts of service you do when you are able to truly put your relationship and spouse as your number one priority will have great rewards. You will have more peace in the home, you will make your partner feel loved, you will feel good as you serve them, and your partner is much more likely to treat you kinder in return.
Contrary to popular belief putting your husband or wife first does not mean becoming a doormat, not taking care of yourself, or letting yourself be abused. If we truly have someone else’s best interests at heart we will realize that these things are not good for either party. Being selfless will involve serving the other person more, giving up certain selfish desires, and getting rid of criticism and blame towards the other person. If you are in doubt still, I encourage you to spend a few weeks trying to act less selfish and more selfless in your marriage and see the amazing benefits that will come.
Craysy Life 